1. Drank breakfast. Most important meal of my day.
2. Listerine lunch.
3. Texted “Cats That Look Like Hitler” to Karoline Claire Leavitt. Did not rape her. (Yay me!)
4. Tried to find Yemen on a map. We should rename it “Yeah man, America!”
5. Discussed military strike war plans against the Houthis (great Frat name!) in a group chat on an unsecured unclassified messaging chat/private server accidentally including a reporter, my barber, Fresh Direct, some guy named Frankie, Door Dash and Sushi Katsu Ya. No I didn’t. That reporter is a liar and a doody head.
6. (Extra Credit) But her emails!
7. (Extra extra credit) What’s the big deal? They’re so far away anyway.
8. (Extra special extra credit) I broke 90 at Bedminster despite bouncing off Ivana’s mound. You can’t fire me!
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