The ex will have him on weekdays, and Johnny will wear him on weekends.
“The names are, for the most part, ‘marketing gibberish’, being unhelpful, confusing and in some cases misleading.” Well I think our “Official Super Duper How Ya Doin? Alternating Breast and Testicle Squeeze On Even/Odd Years Plan” with a “ten thousand dollar deductible and all the street drugs you can find” is just perfect. Of course, substituting Selfies for X-Rays just doesn’t seem professional.
A new sweets shop is opening on Amsterdam Avenue (101st street). It covers all of the new buttons: “Gluten Free, Wheat Free, Soy Free, Refined Sugar Free, Low Fat, Mostly Organic, Made Fresh to Order, Vegan Available.” I handed them a twenty, they handed me three sesame seeds and blew some quinoa in my face..
NY Times: “N.S.A. Breached Chinese Servers Seen as Security Threat.” So that’s why my wonton soup never got to the table.
I still laugh when I think of this: Several years ago I hosted Mardi Gras for “The Travel Channel”. It was the most fun you could have. At the parades on live tv, I was asking people where they were from, getting the answers you’d expect; “Los Angeles, Ohio, Mississippi, Ocala, etc. etc.” And then I asked what looked to be a very sweet, earnest, eighty year old woman, where she was from. She leaned into the microphone and carefully said, “1621 Argyle Avenue, New Or…” I immediately cut her off. I still hold out the hope her house wasn’t robbed that day.
Slate Magazine. Very funny. The “Adele Dazeem” Name Generator. My travoltafied name is Yelaumey Beeker, a scrammedup carmelian from Borgen, New Yak. What’s yours?
I am my own hero. Maybe not this year, but in ten years I will be, wait.. no I won’t be, because then it will be ten years later and I’ll have to look east or west, or up or down, or over the rainbow, hey, who was that singing anyway? In conclusion, Charlie Laughton (Charlie??), and Charlie DeGaulle, and Charlie McCarthy (who never should have held those awful hearings) told me I should stop, and look around.. here comes your 19th nervous breakdown. I never look back, because Satchie Paige told me not to. I want to thank God for voting for me, and I think I’m ready for a sandwich now.