Musings

Slate Magazine. Very funny. The “Adele Dazeem” Name Generator. My travoltafied name is Yelaumey Beeker, a scrammedup carmelian from Borgen, New Yak. What’s yours?

I am my own hero. Maybe not this year, but in ten years I will be, wait.. no I won’t be, because then it will be ten years later and I’ll have to look east or west, or up or down, or over the rainbow, hey, who was that singing anyway? In conclusion, Charlie Laughton (Charlie??), and Charlie DeGaulle, and Charlie McCarthy (who never should have held those awful hearings) told me I should stop, and look around.. here comes your 19th nervous breakdown. I never look back, because Satchie Paige told me not to. I want to thank God for voting for me, and I think I’m ready for a sandwich now.

I love Pink and she rocked it, but how do you have anyone else sing Judy’s song when Liza is right there and available? I guess next year,  Ziggy Marley will have to watch while Andrea Bocelli sings “No Woman No Cry”.

The Oscar speech I always longed to give: “I’d like to thank my parents for screwing me up so badly that this was inevitable”.

“Seth Rogen Publicly Shames Senators After They Walk Out On His Testimony.” Don’t judge them too harshly, they thought it was “Knocked Up”.

“A Michigan man accidentally shot himself to death on Monday while teaching his girlfriend about gun safety. He was attempting to demonstrate the safety of the “unloaded” handguns by holding them to his head and pulling the trigger.”

Now I can see why the NRA fights tooth and nail against gun safety.

Yesterday in Palm Beach, I made my pilgrimage to Carvel, my favorite ice cream on earth. I don’t live near a Carvel in L.A. or N.Y., so when I work in Florida I am totally, probably too, excited to get to go to Carvel. They make the famous “Brown Bonnet”, a cone dipped in warm chocolate that immediately hardens into a delicious shell. My problem is, I like the cone handed over in the seconds before the chocolate solidifies. It’s the most delicious thing on earth, and stays soft only a few seconds. For me, there is no comparison in nirvana between the soft warm chocolate on the vanilla Carvel, and the few seconds later when the shell hardens. The problem is, the ice cream can fall off the cone if they hand it over before it’s settled, so it takes a lot of persuading to get them to take the risk, dip it and immediately swoosh it over to me.

I always approach it the same way: I walk in, slap down a ten, tell them I need them to hand it over as soon as it’s dipped, the ten is theirs, and if it falls off I’ll pay for it and buy another try. They are always sweet young girls who of course give each other looks, but they’re always willing to try. So yesterday I walk in, slap down my ten, explain my urgent need, stock up on napkins as the young lady takes the vanilla cone over to the magical Brown Bonnet cauldron. As she does, five young women come into the store and wait their turn along the counter, looking at the ice creams and reading the menu. The girl dips the cone, but then loses her nerve. NO!!!!! She is standing there holding it, afraid to move as it might fall off. This was not our agreement and the chocolate is hardening. The chocolate is HARDENING!!!! Like the madwoman I am, I start screaming (I’m not proud) “Hand it over!!!! HAND IT OVER!!!!!” With that I hear things dropping next to me. I look over, and all five young ladies have dropped their purses and with looks of terror on their faces, have their hands up.

Fail: Texas GOP Candidate Accidentally Endorses Gay Marriage On Twitter

From my 95 year old friend @QuiltingMuriel, on twitter: “Arizona passed a bill allowing “religious” business owners 2 deny service 2 gay customers. I remember going thru something similar in 1930s Germany.”

Arizona just passed a bill allowing business owners to refuse service to homosexuals if homosexuality offends their religious beliefs. “I can’t hand a latte to a homosexual. Jesus never handed a latte to a homosexual”. – Arizona Resident